This blog is basically just a collection of my "random thoughts". I must warn you, though. I have been told that "I write like I talk", so if you don't understand what you are reading... chances are, if you met me... I wouldn't make much sense to you! Feel free to comment if you care to. Or not. I'm good either way!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Advent Conspiracy

Today, I am going to a new class at my church. We will be studying a book called Advent Conspiracy - Engage more fully in authentic worship & true giving at Christmas. I had not heard of it until this class was advertised in our church bulletin. The title intrigued me because for several years now, Christmas has become something that I "dreaded" more than looked forward to.

Here's a little more info, from our church bulletin, that describes the study ---

The idea is simple: Worship fully, spend less, give more, love all. Those are the 4 goals of Advent Conspiracy. Join others as we learn together how to truly proclaim Christ in the way that we celebrate Christmas.

Sounds good, doesn't it??

Why have I not looked forward to Christmas, you ask???

I am not sure the exact year that my feelings changed, but if I had to guess... it would be about 5 years ago, in 2005. This was the year that my mother had her stroke.

My mom had her stroke on November 8th of that year. When Christmas came, she was in a temporary Nursing Home for stroke recovery therapy. It was a NIGHTMARE! For one... I hated the place that she was in. Two... I was going thru a "tailspin" between caring for her needs there and trying to make Christmas still special for my family at home. I was an emotional wreck. My girls were 18 & 14 at the time and Christmas was still a big part of their lives. Especially for Dtr. #2. I was failing at being Super "Mom", "Daughter" and "wife", and I didn't like it one bit! We DID manage to get thru that Christmas, but it was a rough one.

For reasons that I won't go into at this time, I ended up having to find a full-time job in order to help meet my mom's needs. For the next few years (2006-2009), Christmas was not the same AT ALL! I missed having extra time before Christmas to "prepare". --- Prior to my mom's stroke, I worked as a Preschool Teacher and before that.... an Elementary Teacher's Assistant. I loved my new job as a Church Secretary, but missed being at home VERY MUCH! Especially... at Christmas time!

Almost a year ago exactly... I lost that secretarial job due to the struggling economy. I know in my heart that it was an answer to my prayers of wishing that I could have more time at home again.

Since then, I have been desperately trying to get back my LOVE for Christmas. For the past few years, my focus was NOT on the true meaning of Christmas, but was on the hussle & bussle of trying to "prepare" with such little time! I have hated buying gifts. Hated having to decorate.

Last year was better (thankfully!) and I am feeling good about this year, as well.

I'll have to write more later and let you know more about this class! Speaking of which..... I gotta' go!!

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